You've Got a Friend In Jesus

Friendship is important in all stages of life, but it is especially essential when we face struggles we are not equipped to handle on our own

God did not put us on this Earth alone. 
We are here to do life together. 
He gave us his Son as an example of how we are to live and love.
He gave us the Holy Spirit as our guide. 
And he graciously gifted us friendship with those we've chosen to spend our time with. 
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Friendship during active addiction looks very different compared to friendship in recovery.

 
If you haven't had the most faithful friends in the past, it is extremely important that you choose your circle wisely as you go forward in your journey. 
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A sober support system is so beneficial in early addiction recovery

So Let's talk about what friendship is and what it is not, pertaining to recovery.
We'll also touch on what to look out for and how to spot a high risk situation when beginning to make sober friends. It isn't always easy to end old relationships or start new ones, but we don't want to wind up repeating old, unhelpful habits. 
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What Friendship is & What it is Not:

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• Respect - means respecting all of you. Respecting your thoughts, opinions, ideas, time, space, belongings. Respecting your boundaries and especially respecting your decision to live a sober life. It looks like not drinking or using drugs around you. It sounds like, "I'm proud of you and you can do this!"
• Respect is not - Using you for what you have. If someone only wants you when they need a ride, to borrow money, or the hook-up, they don't respect you. That's taking advantage of you to get what they want and it's disrespectful. Disrespect looks like drinking or using drugs around you or in your home. It sounds like, "Just because you're getting sober doesn't mean I have to." Friendship 101 starts with respect. 
• Empathy - A friend can empathize. They care about you and feel for whatever you are going through. They genuinely listen and support you. They want what is best for you. Empathy gives more than it takes. Empathy looks like someone taking the time to listen and support you. It sounds like, "I hear you. Your feelings are valid."
• ​Empathy is not - One sided. Empathy does not require you to do anything in return. Empathy does not seek to serve itself or gain anything from the situation. Empathy does not look uncaring or uninterested. It does not sound like, "Oh yeah, you think that's bad? Well, I've got it a lot worse." A true friend is empathetic.
• Loyalty and Trustworthy - These two words are so misconstrued in active addiction. You want a friend that is loyal to you in the sense that they will not gossip about you, They will not betray you. They will not steal from you. They will not do anything to physically or emotionally hurt you. It looks like you can trust them to watch your house when you go out of town. It sounds like someone defending you when someone brings up your past.
• Loyalty and Trustworthy - Does not look like someone watching your back as you steal from Wal-Mart in active addiction. People that help you score drugs or break the law are not loyal. They are co-conspirators. And just because they didn't snitch on you that one time does not mean you owe them anything! False loyalty and trust sound like "5-10 without the possibility of parole."
• Godly Friends- Most importantly you want a friend that has a strong relationship with God and is happy to not only listen to your problems, but to pray with you through them! It looks like this page right here Prayer Request. It sounds like, "God is so good, even when things seem so bad. We will pray through this together."
• Godly Friends - are not someone that goes to church on the weekends, but is still involved in all the stuff you were doing prior to your recovery. That person is struggling and they need your prayer! In early addiction recovery it is so important that you find Godly mentors that are strong in their morals. You won't find a person without struggles or problems. None of us are perfect, but choose someone that has a life that reflects Jesus! My pastor always said, "You don't have to go around telling people you are a Christian, but don't let them be shocked when they find out." Choose someone that is openly living a righteous life. 

Beware of High Risk Relationships

​Everyone suggests meetings as a new social spot to meet sober friends and that is oftentimes true, but be on guard for the red flags that we discussed above. 
Not everyone in a meeting is sober. 
Not everyone in a meeting wants to be sober. 
If you are the person in the meeting that is on the fence about being sober - do not seek out others that may be vulnerable to relapsing. 
Run away from sin and run to God. 
Meetings are sometimes places where people in early addiction recovery find others to use with. 
If you are serious about your recovery and even if you are still somewhat ambivalent seek out old timers. 
Find the people that have years and decades of recovery and spend time with them. 
If you are serious about recovering this will help you immensely. 
If you are ambivalent this will save you from falling back into addiction immediately and may give you the insight you need to choose sobriety. 
If you do decide to hangout with someone in early addiction recovery outside of a meeting - do not do it alone. 
That is a high risk situation. 

​If you enjoyed today's message tell someone about Your Praying Friend, but most importantly tell everyone about Jesus!