 TOP 5 QUESTIONS ​EVERY PERSON THAT LOVES SOMEONE WITH AN ADDICTION ASKS THEMSELF AT SOME POINT1. Why am I not Enough for You to Quit?This is definitely the number one question. If you have ever loved someone with an addiction you know how badly this question cuts. We love this person. We would do anything for them. Why won't they simply choose us over their drug of choice? We internalize that, sit with it for a moment, and conclude that we must not be enough. Our rational minds tell us if they loved us they would quit. Now we look at it from their perspective. We analyze it the way that their irrational mind would. When you are in active addiction you are incapable of making conscious, informed decisions. This is not to say that they are off the hook, but rather to address the fact that we can't take it personally. While it hurts like nothing else we've ever experienced to feel as though we come second to a substance, the truth is, a person with an addiction (who is physical addicted) is unable to make that choice. They are not choosing a substance over you. They are giving their body what it needs to survive. Their drug or alcohol is as essential to them as breathing. However, if they have gone through withdrawal and are no longer physically addicted they are back at a point where they are able to make an informed decision as to whether or not they are going to continue using. Unfortunately, being mentally addicted to a substance comes with its own array of challenges. If they have not worked through their trauma, depression, emotional pains, or psychological sufferings, they are likely to return to their drug of choice to numb those difficult feelings. Understanding addiction from the point of view of the person with the addiction as well as the perspective of the person that loves them is a constant back and forth. If you love someone with an addiction it so important that you protect your heart. The best advice for battling feeling unwanted, unloved, unimportant, or not enough is to work on yourself. The Bible tells us that our identity comes from Christ. Not from how someone else treats us. Not from what someone else thinks of us. Not from the choices that someone else makes for their life. As hard as it may be, we have to recognize that their substance abuse is theirs to own. Our Role is to be as Involved or Supportive as we choose to be.2. Can't You See that what You're doing is Hurting Everyone Around you? Why is it that someone who is struggling with an addiction appears to be so unaware of how their behaviors are negatively impacting those around them. How can they be oblivious to the pain that they're causing? It's been said that addiction is a selfish disease. When you are so wrapped up in your next fix or making sure you have your next drink, unfortunately little else matters. If a person with an addiction had to choose between food or their drug of choice, it wouldn't even be a thought. They may be aware of the destruction around them to some degree, but until they've hit their rock bottom (whatever that means to them) they are unlikely to find the motivation to make the necessary changes to live a sober life. The best thing you can do is to detach with love. Which leads us into number three. 3. How Am I Supposed to Continue Living with this Choas?As the loved one of someone with an addiction we must be able to determine not only what we can and cannot control in this situation, but remind ourselves that we have choices. Just as our loved one makes their own decisions, so can we. We get to decide what we are willing to put up with, otherwise known as Boundaries Think of your boundaries like a fence. If your fence is broken, you are no longer protected. Same goes with boundaries. Once you determine what is acceptable and unacceptable in your life, you must stand by it. If your boundaries are broken, you are leaving yourself wide open to harm. And remember: People Will Only Treat You the Way You Allow Them to Treat YouFor more information on boundaries or if you need some ideas of what types of boundaries have worked for others, check out this post -> click here.
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AuthorSubstance Abuse Counselor Archives
March 2023
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