Are You Consumed By Your Husband's Alcohol Consumption?
Do the words in the above graphic resonate with you? Have you found yourself playing detective day in and day out? Are you constantly trying to catch your husband in a lie? Was he really where he said he was? Is that alcohol I smell on his breath? Did his phone really die or did he turn it off? The list goes on and on.
You have become addicted to his addiction. His thoughts are consumed with alcohol and guess what... so are yours! If we're being honest here, you've probably thought about bars, liquor stores, gas stations and restaurants even more than he has because well, you have to stay one step ahead of him right?
You are running in circles trying to prevent the next catastrophe.
I'm here to tell you it's not your responsibility. It's not healthy. It's not even realistic to think that you could prevent it, no matter how hard you try. But that's not telling you anything you haven't already heard from one hundred other "self-help" bloggers. So let me put it in a way that perhaps you haven't heard before.
You are placing yourself above God and your husband's addiction is your idol.
An idol is defined as an object of worship. How do we worship? When we give our time, money or energy to something, right? Of course, It's normal to invest time, money and energy into helping the ones we love. That's not what makes his addiction an idol. The line gets crossed in this situation when we attempt to take control over the choices our husband makes instead of allowing him the autonomy to practice his God given free will. We are essentially saying, "Step back, God. I will rescue my husband."
But what does God say?
God's Word tells us, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
So let God be God.
There is only one person you can control and that's YOU! Does that mean that you allow your husband to go to bars, stay out all night, neglect responsibilities and you sit with all the negative consequences that those decisions bring into your life? No, I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying he gets to make his choices and you get to make yours. He can choose to spend his time at bars and you can choose to spend your time in the Word. He can choose to start drinking at 10 AM and you can choose to take the kids to the park. He can choose to stay out all night and you can choose whether or not you want to live with someone that stays out all night. You are empowered to make your own decisions in spite of the choices he makes. I know, easier said than done but when you stop thinking, "how can I do that?" and simply start making your own choices it will start to make sense. Now, hear this loud and clear - make healthy choices. Make choices that please God. When you think about your choices ask God for direction and try not to feel constrained to make choices based off of how your alcoholic husband will feel or respond. He is making the decisions he wants to make for his life.
You get to do the same and without guilt or fear.
If all of this sounds like something you would very much like to do, but you just can't imagine it - reach out. Talking to someone can help provide a clearer vision and be just the motivation you need to start taking control of YOUR life with an emphasis in walking through it WITH God!
Recommended Resource For Wives of Alcoholics:
Substance Abuse Counselor