Surviving Christmas: Dysfunctional Family Edition

As much as we sincerely hope this Christmas is a time of cheer and celebration for each person reading this... Realistically, that's not everyone's reality. 

If the special day is starting to feel more like doomsday - settle in. We are here to help you navigate Christmas with dysfunctional family. 

If you have ever felt like you're tip-toeing on eggshells, this is for you. 

Does any of this sound familiar?

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Further Discussion

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This topic is so much bigger than the few sentences that can fit on a slide, so let's dive deeper. In my experience as a counselor, the heaviest part of this scenario is the burden we place on ourselves - expectations. 

We allow ourselves to feel pressured to perform Christmas miracles

The birth of Jesus is the only miracle that needed to be performed. Everything subsequent to that is insignificant in comparison. It all comes from a good place. We want to make beautiful memories for our kids. We want what we see on social media. We are saddened by our reality that life is not everything we want it to be at the moment. Addiction has overshadowed what Christmas is supposed to be all about. 

All of these things may be true at once. 

Our dysfunctional loved one(s) may be distracting from what we feel Christmas is "supposed" to look like, but that doesn't mean we can't be flexible. What if Christmas is really supposed to look like reading our Bible and eating a lunchmeat sandwich in peace?

That is option number one. Choosing to not surround yourself with dysfunction. Just because it's Christmas does not mean you are obligated to engage in chaos. Choosing simplicity over everything else is an option. Choosing peace is okay. 

For the person saying, "No that's not an option. I must attend Christmas." Continue reading. 

Regardless of the reason you feel you must attend, there are several things you can do to protect your peace. As the above slide mentioned, you can focus on the things you can control i.e you. If you are going into a situation that you know is likely to be uncomfortable and/or offensive go prepared. 

Pray before and during

God is never too busy for us, not even on Christmas. Seek Him in earnest prayer and ask for help. He is the one that provides peace that surpasses all understanding, after all. 

Communicate with your family

If you have kids, a spouse, extended family that are also uncomfortable with the dysfunctional person - talk about it ahead of time. Discuss how long you will stay. Discuss how you will react if things start to go sideways. Discuss how you will support one another and make an exit, if necessary. This one step can help alleviate a lot of anxiety. Anxiety thrives on the fear of the unknown. You may not know how someone else is going to behave, but if you know how you will respond much of the anxiety can be avoided. 

Grandpa isn't the dysfunctional one - my spouse is

Admittedly, this makes things more tricky, right? You are no longer going to a dysfunctional person's home, you are now traveling with the dysfunction. Option number one still remains. If your spouse is going to make the day miserable by overindulging, you can choose to not attend. You can go to a friend's. You can volunteer through your local church. You are feeling ill. There are any number of things that may require your absence, even if the gathering is at your house. Normalize saying no. Your spouse gets to make his/her own choices - SO DO YOU! All other steps also apply if you are deciding to participate i.e  Pray; approach this situation with realistic expectations; talk with your kids/family that are supportive; Have a game plan on how to navigate the situation if you feel you need to make an exit, etc. 

Keep CHRIST in CHRISTmas

The best advice is to focus on Christ. That's what Christmas is really all about. The stress that comes from this celebration was never intended and I'm sure breaks God's heart. He would much rather you spend the day with Him over anything else, right?

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We want to hear from you! How do you cope with dysfunctional loved ones in a healthy way?

Let us know in the comments...

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If you enjoyed today's message please tell someone about Your Praying Friend, but more importantly - tell everyone about Jesus! 

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