 I love you In fact, I love you very much, If I didn't - this wouldn't hurt It wouldn't feel like such a gut punch. Every lie you tell Every sneaky thing you do, It all comes rushing back Each time I find something new. I've tried to understand I've tried to balance my hurt feelings with your recovery, I've broken more and more With each new discovery. I've worked on myself I recognize I'm the only one I can control, But being in a marriage... You're the other half that makes us whole. I can do all the self help in the world But going through the same thing again and again delays my own healing, I don't know how I overcome these ruminating thoughts Or escape these complicated feelings. The truth is I can't Until you make a decision. When we said "I do" This is not what either of us envisioned. Commit to this marriage Commit to pursuing God and your wife, Remember the vows you recited The promise you made for life. I've been patient But I will not be a doormat, I don't want words It's too late for that. It's actions Anything less is you telling me we're through, This is your decision It's not me leaving you. I will support you In whatever choice you make, Choose your family or your addiction But it can't be both -one or the other is going to break. If you are struggling to relinquish control we pray this journal helps you give it to God -You're not helpless. Pray for your husband
2 Comments
Lori
8/1/2023 07:40:48 am
That is so powerful. I have seen the pain of a woman losing the man she loves to alcohol. I have been with alcoholics myself but never married. I grew up with my dad being an alcoholic. He was drinking until I was 12. During that time when he was drunk, he was physically and verbally abusing my mom. I was emotionally abused by what was happening, which has stuck by me and affected all of my adult relationships. My mom stood by him- I suppose because he truly was a good man. A good man with a very serious problem. He truly was wonderful during the week- he had a great job, never drank- only on the weekends- and most weekends. This was the 80’s and back then it was accepted. My mom was able to call in for him some Mondays to his office at GE. His manager knew he was an alcoholic- but they got along, and again, my dad really was a great guy who also had a really bad problem and his manager knew that. He was enabled in many ways. Then he got arrested for the (I don’t know how many times) for drunk driving and went to Billerica for a few months. I’m thankful he didn’t kill himself of someone else when driving! We are lucky he got arrested. That was a turning point in all of our lives. When he came home from jail he stayed sober until he passed away in 2017. He will always be remembered by me as the man who raised me to love myself as I am and to believe in myself. He stepped up to raise my son when his father was out in the streets and not in his life. He was the father figure in my son’s life. My dad turned his life around when he got sober. I have God to thank for that. I need to remember that. I turned away from God when my dad passed away because I was so angry at losing him!!! I am coming back home to him now. I am trying to deal with my grief after 6 years. Thank you for sharing this poem. ♥️♥️♥️ 2/18/2024 03:04:15 pm
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