Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

Fun Fact

The expression "waiting for the other shoe to drop" originated in New York City apartments in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Because bedrooms were built above one another, it was common to hear a neighbor take off their shoes and drop them on the floor. The people below would wait for the second shoe to fall, which signaled that the neighbor was settling in for the night.

If you love someone with an addiction you are probably all too familiar with this phrase. 

In the cycle of addiction, "waiting for the other shoe to drop" describes a period of time where nothing particularly traumatic is occurring; however based on history, you can't shake the feeling that something bad will happen sooner or later. 

This is a terrible feeling.

It can often rob a person of today's joy, the ability to be present, and the peace of  mind that comes from being able to live in the moment. During this time your thoughts are consumed with a lot of "what-if" questions. "What if they relapse?" "What if they're not telling me the truth?" "What if this never ends?!"

I can't live like this.

If you've ever felt like you're at your wits end and you simply cannot continue living this way - I have good news - you don't have to! What if I told you that your joy is not dependent on whether or not someone else drinks or uses drugs? What if I shared with you simple steps that give hope and strength to face the day?

I believe the Apostle Paul said it best, "I have learned to be content in all circumstances"

This was written by a man that was imprisoned, beaten, persecuted, and tortured. If your situation is emotionally painful you are in good company. I imagine Paul felt hurt, betrayed, confused and so on; however from his writings we can gather that he was sustained through Christ. In fact, he encourages other believers by saying, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4: 6-7

So what are we to make of the wisdom Paul is trying to impress upon us?

Well, let's start by looking at what he didn't say. Paul did not say that in every situation if you pray, give thanks, and present your requests to God that he will remove all your struggles. Instead, Paul tells us that God will provide peace that surpasses all understanding. If you have ever experienced that kind of peace, you know what a gift you have received!

Practical Application

When you find yourself "waiting for the other shoe to drop" I urge you to turn to Scripture. Open your Bible and read Philippians 4. It is a powerful chapter that can encourage us to take our thoughts captive, practice gratitude, and remind us God is our source of peace and strength. 

Pray

After you've read the Word, spend quality time in prayer. Remember, when we read our Bible - God is speaking to us. If you want to hear God's audible voice... read out loud (A little church humor there). When we pray we are speaking to him. So read and pray to have dialogue with Jesus. 

Furthermore

When you've done all you can do, stand. Stand firm in truth. Stand your ground in righteousness. Be slow to speak, quick to listen and slow to anger. Focus on becoming the best version of yourself so that you are not swayed one way or another when your spouse is not the best version of themself. 

If you've  spent time in your Bible & in prayer and still find yourself ruminating try one (or all) of these recommendations:

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1. Go for a walk. Spend time in nature. Talk to God out in the open air. 
2. Take a bath. Breathe in the bubbles. Exhale your worries into the tub and visualize them swirling down the drain. 
3. Exercise. Move your body and receive the natural anti-depressant that God has gifted us that comes through strength and cardio training. 
4. Gratitude journaling. There's little this side of heaven that can compete with the instant gratification that comes from counting our blessings. It's nearly impossible to feel sorry for yourself while simultaneously expressing gratitude.
5. Try creating a control circle. See the example below:

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It's equally as important to discuss what NOT to do

1. Avoid airing your dirty laundry and grievances on social media. In fact, it may be beneficial to delete social media for the time being. Instead, write your feelings in your journal. 
2. Avoid sharing too much with too many. Remember, your family and friends may not forgive as easily as you do. Be cautious of who you trust your personal information with. Instead, talk with a counselor or an elder at the church. 
3. Avoid unhealthy lifestyle choices. If we want our mental, emotional and spiritual health to thrive we must be mindful of what we consume. Our gut health is directly correlated to our brain health. It's less important to eat foods that we love and more important to eat foods that love us! Consume a healthy diet of The Word. Eliminate alcohol and processed foods. 
4. Avoid secular music and profane media. This one may be controversial, but stick with me here. Music is so powerful and this is a hill I will die on. Take a moment to think about what you did last weekend. Can you remember? What about what you had for breakfast 3 days ago. Can't recall? How about this - play a song that you have not heard in decades and watch in amazement as you sing along to every word.  THIS is why we avoid secular music. This is why what we listen to and what we watch matters. So especially during this time of working to be the best version of yourself - if you do nothing else - make this one change!

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We hope you found this information useful. If you have a coping skill that has helped you through a tough time please share it in the comments below!

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As always, please tell someone about Your Praying Friend, but more importantly tell EVERYONE about Jesus!

Do you need a praying friend? Reach out to schedule an appointment today!