Thinking Error: Emotional Reasoning

Feelings Aren't Facts

Say it louder for the people in the back!

Emotional reasoning is a thought distortion that can be especially challenging. 
So much of what we believe is often times dictated by how we feel. 
However, what we feel isn't always rational in relation to the facts. 
​If you've ever overacted you know this to be true. 
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So what can we do about it?

​In a society that puts so much emphasis on validating one's feelings, we have to work extra hard at self-reflecting and critiquing our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Of course it feels wonderful for someone to validate your feelings, but if you tend to struggle with emotional reasoning, chances are it is contributing to some difficulties in your personal relationships. 

Your feelings may be valid, based on a number of circumstances, but ask yourself if they are rational based on the facts of each difficult situation you encounter. 

Let's Look at An Example

Your best friend invites her coworker to the concert instead of you. 

What types of feelings do you suppose you may experience?
Of course, you're going to feel left out.
You may be hurt, disappointed, even jealous, right?
All of those emotions are valid. 

But then you start to ruminate on it. 
You begin to question your friendship. You wonder if she is mad at you or if she is becoming closer with her coworker and perhaps they are better friends than the both of you.
Emotional reasoning can many times lead into another thinking error:
Jumping to Conclusions. 
Which is what just happened in our example. 
We can elaborate on that one another time, but for now let's continue focusing on how to catch ourselves when we become aware of our emotional reasoning distortion.  

All of those questions you asked yourself are good questions to consider based on your feelings, but right now you have a limited number of facts. 

All you really know is that she and her coworker are going to a concert together. 

This is the critical point when you may need to utilize some emotion regulation skills. 
Click here for a worksheet to practice these skills. 

When we feel ourselves beginning to get worked up we can either feed into that thinking error or we can starve it by simply recognizing that we do not have all of the facts. 

Once you acknowledge that you do not have all of the facts, move on. 
If it is still bothering you - ask questions. 
After all, this is your best friend!
If you can't speak openly with her about how you are feeling
​then who can you speak openly with?
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Communicating our feelings in a healthy manner is another skill all of it's own. 
For information on how to communicate in an appropriate and effective way check out these tips from bthechange.com.

The Moral of the story
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Feelings are not facts. 
Before you say or do something that you may regret gather the facts and form a rational response. 
Talk it out. 
It's almost never as bad as it feels. 
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We hope you found today's message helpful. 
If you are struggling - reach out! 
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